Greetings, Our names are Demosthenes and Morwen Wveryn, whom you will soon know as The Twins Who Should Rule the Universe Because their Egos Demand it And we didn't want to hurt their feelings. Oh yeah, as you must know by now, we are the emissaries from a massively powerful turnip-god to amuse and educate you. Well, we decided against educating you because it was deemed impossible so we decided to skip straight to the entertainment. One, because we have an even shorter attention span than the average American, and that's saying something, two, we're better at it and three, we have short attention spans. What? I said that before? Well, I'm not going to go check! Do it yourself, Mr. Lazy PoopyPants!
Anyway, this is part humorous introduction. First of all, we wrote many of our friends into here, so any resemblance between certain characters and people we like is intentional. If we don't like you but wanted you in the story, we changed your name and you can't prove anything!
Number two; this story runs along a few basic themes, which are the following:
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Everyone in the known Universe has a better watch than Ronan.
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Ham is a very big thing.
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We like the term "Quivering blob of pink goo."
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The sun is not yellow, indeed it is a light pastel-blue.
Everything on this list is not only in this story, but pure, solid Fact! Oh sure, don't believe us! You made the same mistake with Galileo, except he didn't have an all-powerful turnip to sic on ya!
So, without further ado, we bring you...
POLITICALLY INCORRECT BEDTIME STORIES!!! (Drum solo and trumpet fanfare required if you intend to read this aloud)
CHARACTER BIOS Click on the links! Please?
Good Guys... (Well, sort of)
A.U.S.T.I.N.21A
Bad guys (Boo! Hiss!)
Astrid
We have decided to something a little... original. Yeah! That's right! Original! Anyway, here it is!
Ronan: Okay! What happened? Where is the Lycanthrope?
Sarrath: If I knew, I would tell you. No, maybe not. But you get the idea.
Ronan: Well, we're alive, Darn.
Slag:::In bathrobe and shower cap::: DARN! Every time! EVERY TIME I'M IN THE SHOWER!!!!
Wyverm: :::Shifting her eyes mysteriously, and saying in a low voice Who could be behind this Truly Nasty Plot?
::Queen Quinny appears, smoking and blackened in an explosion of flame::: Fewer explosives next time... %^$%&*% special effects engineers! ::Suddenly notices their arrival:: Oh... you're here... I'm all a flutter...
Sarrath: You know, A good host would provide refreshments.
Ronan: :::Hands on hips, with a preppy accent, and a lisp::: Well, I never!
::Queen Quinny Is desperately searching for something to serve to her "Guests"::: Oh... Just wait a minute...I'll get some... what do you want?
Wyverm: I want Pink Marzipan eggs.
Ronan: I want a caviar replica of Martin Short.
Sarrath: Lucky Charms. And just the green marshmallows:::Mutters::: I hate the blue ones.
Slag: I want a fat free soft drink that does not, I repeat, not taste like snail crud.
::Queen Quinny Is searching for food::: Wait...I'll find something... Give me a minute :::Mutters::: Oh man... I'm such a horrible host...I'm such a lousy person...what A COLD, DEAD WORL... HEY! Wait a minute!
Ronan: Took her long enough...
Queen Quinny: For the sake of revenge I have decided to pit against you the most powerful of tortures!
Slag: An iron maiden?
Queen Quinny: More painful.
Wyverm: Water torture?
Queen Quinny: Still Cold.
Ronan: Having to go to a Hanson concert?
Queen Quinny: More degrading.
Sarrath: You don't meanŠ
Queen Quinny: Yes! YOU MUST READ YOUR FAN MAIL!!!
All: NOOOOO!!!!!
Slag: Any refreshments?
Queen Quinny: Yes, but no Jordan Almonds.
Ronan: YOU FIEND!
Queen Quinny: And no hot dogs!
Slag: YOU'VE TAKEN MY DIGNITY! YOU'RE NOT GETTING MY SOUL, YOU EVIL WITCH-BAD PERSON!
Queen Quinny: No Junior Mints.
Sarrath: NOOO
Queen Quinny: OKAY! TO THE THEATER!
::All wander, dejected, into the theater:::
::They sit into the hard, plastic seats, as the projector comes to life
###Fan mail from Buffy Lou of Cantacook###
Ronan: Does she slay vampires?
Wyverm: That was extremely lame, Ronan.
Ronan: I know. I'm just gaining momentum.
###Dear everyone ###
Sarrath::Sniffing, and drying an imaginary tear from her cheek::: Dear everyone? My gods, I feel so loved!
### Hi ya'll! My name is Buffy###
Slag: GEE, YA THINK?
### I just wanna say how great you all are! I love everyone###
Wyverm: Don't give your address. She sounds like a stalker.
::All shift uncomfortably in their seats:::
###I just have a few...suggestions!###
::Both Ronan and Sarrath growl loudly, baring their fangs::::
### Number one, I think Wyverm and Slag should like, get together? They would be such a cute couple!###
:::Slag turns and grins at Wyverm:::
Wyverm: :::To Sarrath::: Can we trade seats? Please?
Sarrath: No chance.
Wyverm: Ronan? Pretty please?
Ronan: :::Paging through a magazine::: Sure. Right after I split the atom.
### Also, I don't really like Ronan and Sarrath. They should be a little less depressed, man! Get rid of them and bring in someone happy:::
Ronan: :::Flings a chair at the screen::: This ends NOW
:::Ronan and Sarrath go on a massive rampage, slashing seat, clawing the seats and biting anything in range. The rest seem unmoved and continue to munch on popcorn as the screen bursts into flames:::
Queen Quinny's Voice: #$@%$%^#&!!#$$%^$^&$%!! What ya do that for! Now We'll have to stop! You Frappin* morons! I hate you! EERGH!!!
### End of tape###
* Frappin- Used as emphasis. Only word that can be used as both a insult and compliment and prefix. Variations include- Fraptrapulastic, Frappirific, and Frapismortis. Wait, we forgot an actual definition? Oh, just... frap, okay? UGH! You frappin' people aren't pleased by anything. Just kidding. You're all pretty frappin. Hmm. Maybe I'll quit when I'm ahead.
